THERE’S BEEN such a lot written lately about Elle turning 50 next 12 months.
I take an interest on account of I am just about the identical vintage and so, share a definite affinity with the magnificently proportioned and ageless type known as The Body. For those who’re wondering, the aforementioned tag justifiably stuck after her 5 cover appearances on the iconic Sports activities actions Illustrated magazine.
I was born in July ‘63 – my pal Elle in March ’64 – which makes us a mere 8 months apart. We each and every finished college in ‘81 so would possibly simply, theoretically, have been classmates. We will be able to have beloved the identical movies – For Your Eyes Most efficient, The Postman All the time Rings Two instances, Raiders of the Out of place Ark … keep in mind those? We in all probability listened to the identical track, boogied on the disco flooring to Blondie’s Title Me, went via a phase of schoolgirl anarchy with Crimson Floyd’s Any other Brick throughout the Wall – and slow-danced to Captain and Tennille’s Do That to Me One Further Time … aah, the memories. The similarity, I am unsatisfied to say, ends there.
I in recent years mentioned to my youngsters that: “Have you learnt Elle is turning 50 next 12 months? We’re just about the identical vintage,” after showing them a in particular fetching newspaper shot of her wearing surfboard and trademark bikini at Bondi. “No techniques! I will’t believe it!” My daughter gushed with a tad additional enthusiasm than totally necessary, followed by the use of a telling check out the apparition next to her – me, basking unashamedly in a state of early morning glory – a bra-less wonder in sleep shorts and lightweight T-shirt.
Positive, I concede, Elle is drop-dead shocking. She moreover appears to be a decade or two younger than her age then again I fear that via her sheer air of perfection, she has made herself untouchable. In all probability it is time to let go just a bit. For example, merely the day before today I be told however another article about her drawing shut 50th birthday and however another uninteresting interviewer asking how she managed to retain such permanent youthfulness.
I didn’t wish to be told what she discussed – I knew exactly what the publicity machine would pontificate. “Herbal foods, exercise and three litres of water a day.” And of course, seven hours of sleep a night. Personally, the bit that fascinated me most was once as soon as the three litres of water. I would be up all night time.
I took place to mention this tiresome interview to a friend who may be on the slippery cusp of turning 50. She too was once as soon as skeptical. “Pullllease … herbal? This is herbal,“ she discussed, outlining her comfortably rounded resolve. I’m along side her. Merely once, I would like Elle would non-public up. Her popularity would not wane if she casually instructed that: “In fact, on occasion I polish off a whole slab of chocolate and I’m more than a little keen on the ordinary drop.” Merely once I need she would let loose and say something vaguely outrageous like: “Cross me the chips, I’m just about 50 for goodness sake, not 20. And by the use of one of the best ways, all that stuff about herbal foods is cods-wallop – I have had a teeny weeny bit of work completed. And, positive, my knees every so often ache when I jog.”
In fact, I would dare counsel she practices embracing her 50’s with a brand spanking new sense of honesty. There is nevertheless a whole 12 months to grow to be the oldsters’s person. There’s reasonably a large number of selection for a profession change and the best way a lot much less frustrating that will likely be – for the rest of her contemporaries too.
One utterly plausible probability is the serve as of be in contact show host – an alternative choice to Oprah, most likely. I would identify it ‘Elle Talks … in spite of everything’. I predict soaring popularity when she spills the beans on how arduous it was once as soon as to deal with the pretence and drive of being The Body. Oh the relaxation of showing she is human in the end. I predict a swarm of having older actresses lining up to tell their story – of publicly renouncing Botox, body sculpting and buckwheat.
Then again I fear this revelation received’t happen any time briefly. Elle is the face of Brand Elle – of sun, surf and eternally fresh-faced, lithe-bodied excellent seems to be. Then again Oh Elle, what drive! Maintaining that whippet body, perfect pores and pores and skin, hair and make-up will have to be immense. I would counsel fifty will probably be a neatly timed age to in the end grasp up the string bikini and tell the world to hunt out themselves another Body – that this one is tired. And from time to time, reasonably sore.
And so, Elle, I beseech you, drop your guard. We will be able to love you a lot more, I promise. And all the hundreds of thousands of women coping with a scarily drawing close fifty will breathe a sigh of assist and reach, guilt-free for the double chocolate cheesecake and entire cream latte.
We, your presumptuous buddies wait with bated breath. And we’re proper right here for you, glass of cheeky Riesling in hand (or most likely you most likely can want a full-bodied Cab Sav?) if you want to have us.
© Lois Nicholls 2013
An edited fashion of this newsletter gave the impression in The Sunday Mail, 3rd March 2013 – Click on directly to view.